Dirt Mining in Ghumada Causing Problems

Last week it was discovered that the wilderness of Ghumada contains large deposits of rich dirt. As citizens caught word of this news, several eager individuals slowly rolled out the doors of their rotting houses and onto the dirty streets. This is how the Ghumada Dirt Rush began.

In an exclusive interview with Hor-Hay Fithers, presently the owner of the largest dirt mine in Ghumada, he had this to say about the opportunity associated with the dirt deposits of Ghumada:

"I've never been a huge fan of getting my hands dirty. Nope. But, when I heard there was dirt that you can dig in the wilderness, you bet my ears perked right up."

Hor-Hay Fithers, accused exorcist

This information is especially enlightening considering the accusations directed towards Hor-Hay. An anonymous informant, signed under the name "Not Garry", taped a mysterious note to a post of wood outside the Ghuamda Federal Hall of Government. The note described in detail the secret activities conducted under the authority of none other than Gordon Gordon Inc., according to our inside witnesses.

With Lead Scientist Gordon Gordon missing for over 12 years, we had no other choice but to question Acting Lead Scientist Kurl Koby. He seemed distressed, and ran several laps around the compound before finally collapsing to the ground right in front of where we were standing. When questioned in regard to the current accusations, he had this to say,

"Dirt!Dirt!"

Upon the conclusion of the interview, Kurl Koby began to hurl dirt at us until we ran away, then from afar began to eat the dirt like it was a snack. The Gordon Gordon Inc. laboratory compound has been well known for experimenting with chemical and radioactive weapons for over 60 years.

Lead Media Inspector Mort Biaston has issued an alarming tone signaling the ongoing search for missing Lead Scientist Gordon Gordon. He fears, it seems, without the fabled scientist's aid, Ghumada will surely despair under the rule of Supreme Father Carver Kerver.

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