Gordhongo Makes Hideous Threats

President Dr. Martinez of Gordhongo has contacted Pope Guadalupe via fax that they will be launching an all out assault on Ghumada sometime between 6 and 6:03 pm. Ghumada war supervisor Frig Pops has advised Pope Guadalupe to take refuge in the War Cellar under the Ghumada headquarters. However, nobody has been down in the War Cellar since the small fire in the kitchen at 2:00 this morning, so Pope Guadalupe chose to stay in his office in the sLong House.

Ever since Dr. Martinez's execution attempt last Sunday, he has been sending demonic thugs across the border of Ghumada to cause terror. The Ghumada army consisting of three and a half poorly trained Gladiators has been able to fight off the thugs for now, but Extreme Captain War General Mike has been reported saying that he has a serious lack of materials and Gladiators to continue in the war against Gordhongo.

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Lead Scientist Gordon Gordon was rumored to be working on a new invention called the "Meat Gladiator" that would replace the regular Gladiators, but his recent accident has left him in a coma, unable to complete the revolutionary device that could be used to wipe out Gordhongo completely.

Ghumada spies in Gordhongo has reported that the Ghordongian army has been hoarding a numerous amount of shrimp and rough wooden planks, which is a clear indication that they are planning a large and deadly assault.

Gordhongian warrior fully equipped for battle.

President Jaquan was recently spotted in a shady roadside cafe communicating via shortwave radio to an unknown recipient. It is believed that he may have been plotting with Gordhongian leader President Martinez. He is quoted as saying, "Hairy wastebands control marvelous introductions; good hell!". This has caused an uproar in the small community of Ghumada citizens that actually know how to read. They are saying things such as, "As a proud supporter of scale-free cow tentacles, it is my personal belief that President Jaquan is actually leading a secret voodoo cult."

For now, all we can do is wait for our unlikely doom to arrive. It is doubtful that Frig Pops will eat dinner tonight because all he can think about is how he left his hair clipping on a small table in an abandoned shack outside of town, which is proof of the growing need to legalize widespread use of garden hoses in Ghumada.