The Tale of Two Flaskers Alike

In a small rural village that was actually a city, there lived two young hunters in a cabin on the edge of the lake. One of the hunters, who called himself Malk Prime Senior, asked the other hunter if he could go outside. The other hunter, who was known as York around these parts, replied to Malk,"You can do whatever you want, you don't even live here."

So, Malk Prime decided he would stay inside. York was getting slightly agitated because Malk wouldn't leave his house, which was in fact a one room bathroom constructed out of rotting drift wood, an outhouse essentially.

"Malk, get out of my damn house before I destroy you!"

Malk Prime soon engaged into his battle mode. He took off his peasant rags and replaced them with his battle rags. Then he found a stick on the ground that he thought would be sufficient to duel York with. But upon further inspection, he realized that it was actually a partially decayed human leg so he decided that it would not meet sufficient battle standards.

Thus began Malk Prime's stupendous search for the perfect stick. He travled to the far off land of downtown, which was actually a ten minute bus ride away. However, during the time period this story takes place in, there were no busses yet. Because of this, Malk decided to fly his helicopter there instead.

In the city there is a great market known as MallMart. Malk Prime entered this great building through several doors composed of some kind of clear wood. Upon approaching these gates, an unseen entity suddenly caused them to screech open by themselves. Malk prime, startled, began to attack these obscenities with his plaster-casted sword. However, upon one swing, Malk's trusted sword shattered into many pieces.

Malk realized what he was dealing with. This unseen force was far stronger than anything he had ever encountered. He broke down, falling to his knees in awe. As he was praying to whatever spectacular force that was controlling these magical gates of hope, he noticed several citzens walk past him toward the gates.
"No!" Shouted Malk, as he blocked the citizens from entering the legendary kingdom known as MallMart, "this place is a sacred place. None shall enter so long as I am here to protect it."

But the citizens ignored his plea. They walked right in though the holy gates, never to be seen again.

Malk fell to his knees, realizing he had failed his task. He ran away in anger and fear until he found himself wandering through a meat store. Malk noted a suspicious odor of rotting flesh wafting out of the back room. The sketchy meat salesman asked him if he wanted any meat. Malk realized this must be some kind of test, so he did what any logical businessman would do and he performed the secret dance. The meat salesman stared in awe at the great spectacle, but he was not very impressed. "We have special on fresh octopus meat today, would you like a sample?" Malk recognized this as the secret code, so he left.

For several years, Malk Prime wandered around the desert with no apparent purpose. He had completely forgotten who he was and what it was he was trying to accomplish. Finally, York discovered Malk rolling around in a dried up lake. So, he watched for a little while then left.

According to vague myths and legends vocally passed down for millions of years, Malk Prime somehow made it to a small secluded island, where he spent 63 years eating coconut husks and ground up sand. In the 64th year, it is said that he was consumed by a large shark-looking fish. That is all we know of the life of the strange man called Malk Prime.