Late last week, lead scientist Gordon Gordon, while experimenting
with unravelling the mysteries of Automatic Cantaloupes, was involved in a
serious accident involving extremely dangerous flip-switches. We do not have many
details at this time, and we do not plan to receive any more. The only thing
that remains of the smoldering site of the accident was a single piece of
paper, buried among the ruins of what was once the ECEGSLOGTGGUTCSE, The Experimental-Complex-Expensive-Great-Science-Lab
of Ghumada That Gordon Gordon Uses to Conduct Science Experiments. Gordon
Gordon is now believed to be in intensive care under Dr. Hiffle Jhee in the
National Hospital of Ghumada (which received 2.29.3 stars out of 5 in its last
inspection).
The paper uncovered from the
ruins was believed to be written by Orkle Albana, Gordon Gordon’s un-trusted
lab assistant of 23 years. He describes in startling detail the unlawful
experiments being conducted in the lab. But of course, Ghumada doesn’t have any
laws so the experiments were not actually unlawful. The last entry was dated
August 46, 200014*.
August 46, 200014
Good hell it’s getting steamy
in here I believe it’s time for the experiment’s results to process. GG has
been working on this one for so long and I think he will be excited that it is
time. (Loud crash) oh no I think one of them has escaped (scuffling noises) oh
hell the damn thing is loose ahhhhhh. Just kidding I was just practicing my
screenplay novel that didn’t actually happen hahahahahaha. But the Varmins are
getting pretty restless so I’ll go give them their daily allowances of seven
slices.
We still have yet to fully
analyze this literature, as our lead analyzer, O’glascoe P’dascoe, is currently
conducting a voodoo ceremony for the National Ghumada Elementary for Juveniles.
So for now, we can only assume that Gordon Gordon has gone too far into the
secrets of Pork-Grinds.
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| Picture of the remains of Gordon Gordon's Lab |
