President Jaquan Assassinated!

With all the consequences of war going on between Ghumada and Ghordongo right now, President Jaquan III has been murdered!

It was late in the afternoon at 11:59 AM; Jaquan was lounging in his office with a desk protector on the floor. He suddenly realized that there was a dark predator watching him from his window. This was odd, because Jaquan's office is on the 83rd floor of an 80 story building, so there shouldn't be any devious predators lurking around causing mischief.

Jaquan leapt to his feet, as he realized that his secretary, Ma-Hi-Hi 1254.55 was standing outside his door. However, the person standing outside his door wasn't his secretary, it was Fork Bord-Lord-Gord, a secret spy from Ghordongo. Fork was clearly in pain, which was evident by the knife sticking out from his 3rd arm. It wasn't long before Fork Bord-Gord-Lord was dead.

Jaquan then decided that it would be a good idea to take a nap on his orange chair that he had just built while Fork Lord-Bord-Gord was uttering his last words and bleeding on Jaquan's carpet.

After a long nap, Jaquan suddenly died. Ghumada's Chief Police Officer Topiary Dairy is currently investigating the strange murder, but there isn't a lot of evidence to go by. The only witness to the strange sequence of events was President Jaquan, but he's not saying much.

Interesting Happening of Gandhi's Step-Son!

It looks as if Gandhi has a new son! We don't know the father, but it' me! I am the father! I have an affair with Gandhi! Gandhi! Gandhi! Gandhi! Gandhi!

I don't really know who this is. . . 

It appears as if Gordon Gordon has been transferred to the hospital.

Just kidding! I am not in a hospital! I was just kidding! Just kidding! Gandhi!Gandhi! Gandhi! Gandhi!

By this way! Gandhi doesn't have any children! The title of this article has nothing to do with anything ever! Gandhi!

New! Gordon Gordon Invents Automatic Gladiator!

Hello! It is I, Gordon Gordon! i have invented! something new! I call it the Automatic Gladiator! or just Automatic Gladiator for short! What is does is it lets you just use it! Then you can have a personal warrior! This will be like a new Meat-bot! They can be Ghumada's Army warriors!

Ghordongo Strikes Back!

Dr. Martinez is at it again! Ghordongo is assembling their Wardongo Clongs, for an invasion of Gandhistan. They must've gotten wind of the affair between Gandhi and Gordon Gordon. We've also managed to intercept a top secret coded message sent to Dr. Martinez-- after our top scientists cracked the code, it read: "With potato human cling seperate dog table Barack Obama". Clearly this means someone did something that caused something important. With this new information we will easily be able to defeat the Wardongo Clong fleet, however we will have to increase coal production as we are mobilizing the meat-bots.

Agent Wizaro has managed to take a picture of a Wardongo Clong preparing to join the Ghordongo navy:

 Note: Operation Floodgates is proceeding as planned

Frivolous Plague Hits Ghumada

Today the beginning of a new era has begun. A great plague has stricken the country. One will notice the many hoards of inhabitants that have gone missing from society. This is due to the horrible effects of the Klop-Froth G plague, developed by our very own scientist. Gordon Gordon.

Close up of the Klop-Froth G bacteria

It all started one night when Gordon Gordon was on his way back home from his laboratory. It was then that he realized that he forgot his car, so he immediately turned around and walked back to the parking lot.

When he got back to his laboratory, it was already 6:00. So, realizing it would be dark in about 4 hours, he did the most logical thing by staying the night in his laboratory.

In the lab, Gordon Gordon couldn't help but play around with a few specimens from his collection. he started playing with the black plague, and realized it would be pretty cool if he combined it with SmallPox™. And so, Klop-Froth G was created.


Now, over 73.000000099% of the country has been infected with the Klop-Froth G plague. Infected victims will first notice an extreme swelling of the throat and left arm. Then, their eyes will fall out like a light bulb that's not screwed in (they will shatter when they hit the ground). The final stage of Klop-Froth G includes a state of insecurity and extreme pain in several spots of the body. After this stage, it is already too late and the victim will swell up and spontaneously explode.
Gordon Gordon is "not too concerned about the outbreak, because we will probably find a cure eventually". Pope Guadalupe is being held in protective custody, because President Jaquan has already suffered the extreme effects of the plague. Guadalupe says, "I just wish I would have packed some extra cables, so I could have some extra cables". 
We are hopeful for a cure by tomorrow, when Gordon Gordon is said to wake up from his 8 week nap.

Happy Birthday President Jaquan III

It feels like just last week that I was birthing Ghumada's current president, Jaquan Jamillionson III from his mother, J'Dinkalage Morgoone. Well, it was, in fact, 732 years ago to the day that Ghumada's noble (not as noble as the Pope) leader was brought into this world.

Only known portrait of J'Dinkalage Morgoone

 This is why I, Pope Guadalupe IV, am declaring a National Day of Ignorance for the Presidents cancer. Yes, you heard right, President Jaquan has a cancerous growth in his pancreas. So, ignore the cancer that you wouldn't have known about if I didn't tell you and wish the president a nice birthday.

Also, Jaquan will be celebrating his birthday for a whole month, because that is how long it took his mother to give birth to him. Trust me, you don't want to know about that experience.

President Jaquan III

Startling news about Gordon Gordon

We've discovered some startling secrets about Gordon Gordon, our lead scientist here at the Ghumada Candhi Commiteration. It is common knowledge that Gordon Gordon was grown from a pig seed. However, what you may not know is his early life.

Gordon Gordon was a mysterious man; it is rumoured that he grew from a British pig seed, as that was where he was first spotted. The first major incident that involved Gordon Gordon was when he revealed himself as a swindler. He used imposterisim and fraudulentalizing to imposterize and fraudulize well over $30,000 from a group of London jewelers.

Gordon Gordon then moved to Minnesota, which became his permanent place of residence. He met another shady man knownly only as Gould who made some startling claims. Gould wanted to gain control of the Erie Railroad, and Gordon Gordon said he could help him get it. Gould sent him $1,000,000 in stocks, but Gordon Gordon scammed him and sold it immediately. Gould then sued Gordon Gordon, and things looked bleak.

But luckily, Gordon Gordon tricked the court by sending them false references in return for getting bail. While the court was checking the references, Gordon Gordon took this opportunity to flee to Canada. He then convinced Canadian authorities that the allegations brought against him were false. After failing to convince or force Canadian authorities to hand over Gordon Gordon, Gould and his associates, who included two future Governors of Minnesota and three future Members of Congress, attempted to kidnap him. They initially succeeded, but were stopped by the Canadian mounted police.

The kidnappers were imprisoned and were not given bail, which led to an international incident. The Governor of Minnesota activated the state militia, and thousands of Minnesotans volunteered for a full-scale military invasion of Canada. The Canadians were pressured into releasing the prisoners, and were forced to deport Gordon Gordon. Gordon Gordon barely managed to escape and find refuge in the Ghumada Candhi Commiteration, where he is now lead scientist. The government managed to convince the press that Gordon Gordon committed suicide, but this is false information as he is actually immortal.

Pope Guadalupe Meets With Dr. Martinez

On ZzzzzZDay (the day after Sunday and befire Monday) of last week Pope Guadalupe interviewed Dr. Sebastian Fredrico Juarez Lupe Pancho Pedro Tomas Ricardo LawnMower Burrito Francisco Pablo Martinez. Here is what he had to say:

"I enjoy to rub furry duck on the beef."

Based on their leader's startling claim here, it's clear that our neighboring country of Ghordongo has gone way too far this time.

We must take immediate action. As the noble Pope of the Committeration, I hereby reccommend that we declare war on Ghordongo. We have a sufficient army of meat-bots (designed by lead scientist Gordon Gordon) to send into Ghordongo. The Ghordongians will never suspect our assault, so we will have a great advantage.

In order to declare war, we need approval by the president.Also, the coal miners will need to work very hard in order to get enough coal to power the army.

Official Symbol of Ghuddism

Within Ghuddism there lies many traditional values. Included are several Sacred Symbols. The first Sacred Symbol is the Sacred Triangle.

The Great Mohammed Bin Laden first discovered this amazing geometric wonder when he was at a hysteric coordinate convention. It was there that he witnessed the most important event that year (23456 BC). He did not, however, go into great detail about what this event was specifically.

The main symbol that represents Ghuddism is the so-sacred-that-it's-almost-not-sacred Hyster-Lick.

Nobody truly knows for sure where the Hyster-Lick originated. Some say that the symbol was carved into the rock as the Earth was being formed, where it was witnessed by an old fellow who shared the symbol with his companions. Others say that it is the logo of an ancient lawn mowing company. But we're pretty sure they didn't have lawn mowers trillions of years ago, so we just go with the first story.

Welcome to Ghumada Candhi

The Ghumada Candhi Committeration is the central database of the Ghuddist religion. Ghuddism was founded approximately 20 trillion years ago (possibly more) by the great Mohammed Bin Laden.

On this factual database of Ghuddism you will find everything you need to know about our religion including all of our sacred texts, history, and much more. Anyone can become a Ghuddist by contacting Pope Guadalupe IV or by calling 2-(747) 747-7474.

Be sure to visit the page with all of our sacred texts: http://ghumada.blogspot.com/p/sacred-texts.html
                                               

 Pope Guadalupe IV