The day began like any other. I was so accustomed to my daily schedule by now that I didn’t even stop to think about any sort of irregularity. Not there was anything that I would have noticed at the time, even knowing what I do now. I had the important job of walking the streets, going from door to door, dropping off packages and envelopes to the homes of the small town’s residents. When I say small, I’m talking “I have to deliver ALL of the mail because there’s nobody else to do it” small.
This is me, your narrator, the mailman.
Anyway, today was just like any other day, until the discovery of a package with no address printed on the surface. I resolved this dilemma a half an hour later upon a second discovery of the
accompanying label that had become revealed after the delivery of my final parcels, a stack of
envelopes addressed with words cut out from a magazine, which I keep organized in a separate stack away from the normal mail.
The address that the package was to be delivered to was on the opposite side of town. I didn’t
complain, as I didn’t have plans whatsoever after my job was complete.
It took me about 20 minutes to walk, shortened by my knowledge of several secret shortcuts through the wilderness. This road was unusually overgrown with untrimmed bushes and weeds growing through the cracks of the sidewalk. I hadn’t been to this part of town for the better half of a decade. There weren't many people living over here anymore, since the utility company had redirected the water lines to favor the more populated eastern side of the town. I walked up to the house of the last apparent remaining occupant of Vine Street, an overgrown victorian style with chipping paint clinging to the surface of the wood.
I had to use some force to pry open the gate to the front path, as the hinges had become rusted
together over years of relentless weathering. The yard was overgrown with wildflowers and tall grass.
Someone had decorated a twisted ancient-looking oak tree in the center of the whole mess with
various scraps and ornaments, which eerily clanged in the breeze in contrast to the silent street.
I walked up to the porch on creaking steps that seemed like they could cave in at the slightest bit
of pressure, the middle step being absent entirely. I placed the small package in front of the door
next to a statue of a crumbling sphinx. It had eyes made of intricate blue crystals, captivating to say
the least. I found myself staring into the peculiar artifact, until a noise from behind me startled my
awareness and I stood upright suddenly.
An elderly woman had crept up from behind me, now staring up at me with wise grey-green eyes
sunken behind tanned, aging skin.
“Any trouble finding the place?” she asked. I was about to respond as she cut me off with her
confident voice.
“I knew you were gonna come today, I been waiting three days.” she said. I stared at her politely,
unsure of what to say.
“I like your landscaping” I said, “How long have you lived here?”
“Oh, me? Don’t you worry about me, darling. I’m just here to show you the entrance, that’s all.”
“Um, I’m sorry, the entrance to what, exactly?” I asked, confused.
“That’ll all make sense later. For now, how about you take your package and open it?” she gestured
towards the statue. I looked at her for a moment, to make sure she was being serious, then turned
around to pick up the package.
“Are you su-” I realized the woman had vanished as I turned around. I looked around the yard, but
she was nowhere to be seen, and I hadn’t heard the gateway open. I looked at the package wrapped in thick brown paper in my hands. Well, she did tell me it was my package, and I didn’t get a whole lot of mail these days, despite handling so much of it. I tore off the packaging slowly, not knowing what to expect. Beneath the paper, a small box. I slid the top of the box off to find a delicate looking key tucked inside carefully. I picked it up. It was heavy for its size, some sort of gold alloy from the looks of it. I examined the precise lines ornately carved into the surface with, overlapping each other to form geometric shapes. It was beautiful. I wanted to thank the woman, but was she ever really there?
They key has been received. What this means, I have not a clue.
I arrived home that night exhausted from walking around all day, honestly just ready to heat up some
dinner and fall asleep on the couch. After igniting the fireplace and putting a fresh vinyl on the record
player, I heated up some of last night’s leftovers and fled to the couch. The hot food nurtured my
appetite, and the gentle strings of music flowing through my ears warmed my soul. I began to feel
drowsy, thinking about what an interesting day I’d had, holding the golden key in my closed palm,
drifting away. . .
My body, completely relaxed, began to tingle. I tried to move my arm to itch my leg, but found that I
could not move. A weight began to settle on my chest, and I heard a ringing in my ears. The ringing
got louder, a tingling vibration. Now my entire body was vibrating through every inch of my skin; I had the sensation of falling through the open air. It all faded.
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I opened my eyes slowly, squinting at the bright light that now flooded my vision.
“Are you alright, mister?” came a strange squeaky voice. I looked around, but could see nobody nearby. The environment around me was a lush land of vegetation. The trees were slightly off hue from the consistency I was accustomed to in my home, with a warmer palette than the typical greens and blues. Even the air was warmer somehow, the colors more vivid in a way I can’t describe. I was lying on a firm and uneven ground the color of amber. When I pressed on the surface, it was curiously squishy.
“Who-who said that?” I asked with a raspy dried out throat.
“Down here, imbecile!” I directed my gaze downwards. It took me a moment to spot the strange
creature peering up at me. It was like nothing I had seen before, a small rodent sized “man”, if I could even call him that. His face was smooth except for a small mouth and 5 holes near the forehead region, which I assumed to be eyes.
I almost tried to stomp on the strange little creature like a pest, but something stopped me at the last
second.
“What- who are you?” I asked.
“No matter!” the creature whimpered, “I’m here to offer you guidance. I’m sure you’ve begun to feel
rather perplexed at your current predicament. No worries, this is a perfectly natural illusion to an
under-enlightened member of a species such as yours.
“But that’s enough on that matter. I’m only here to show you towards the lock.” the creature elegantly gestured towards a pathway that led deep into the strange forest of yellow and red mushroom trees.
“Ok, so um, where am I supposed to go exactly?” I asked, but it was too late. The strange little being had vanished without a trace, almost as if he was never even there.
I was still sitting on the ground, not quite used to my surroundings yet. I almost lost my balance trying to stand as I noticed the surface was not as solid as I was used to, and it felt like someone turned the gravity up times 10. As I slowly got my bearings, I began to walk in a random direction.
Above me, the pale branches of trees stretched over each other as if mingling for attention. I bounced happily from one step to the next without a care in the world, which was not my own.
I soon happened upon a small encampment inhabited by several strange beings. The flames of a
strange green campfire reflected off of their pale skin as I watched from afar. As I crept closer, my foot snapped a branch, alerting them. The three of them turned their long necks towards me simultaneously.
“What is this?” said one of them in a deep grumbling voice. It wore a silly looking hat that looked as if it could topple off of its head at any moment.
“Some otherworldly wratch!” observed the second one. The third one said nothing, but sniffed the
air aggressively.
“Bearer of the key!” it shrieked. The three beings whispered among themselves.
“Come, come little man, sit! Much to teach, lots to learn” said the first one, gesturing towards a
rubbery pink log on the other side of the campfire from the three slender creatures, which sat cross
legged on the bare ground.
“My name is Geoffry.” I said quietly, trying to be polite. The three creatures looked at me very seriously in silence for a moment, then burst out laughing.
“You may think you know who you are, were, but that was before your introductory star drop!” said the middle creature.
“Star drop?” I asked.
“Ah, a novice, a bean, a gleam! By now you may notice, things are not as they have been.” said the middle creature.
“Pluck him by the teeth, toss him like a leaf! See where he’ll be, galaxy to galaxy.” chimed the third one.
I took a second to process their whimsical rhymes. From what I could gather, I had somehow been
transported from my backyard to another galaxy.
“Where the hell am I?” I demanded. This couldn’t be real. I had to get home to deliver the latest daily
news to all those citizens.
“Hell is only relative, you may discover soon on a search for what is coveted” said the one with the
stupid hat. I shuddered at my several possible interpretations of this line.
“What is your name, wratch?” asked the slimiest one in the middle.
“Ge-” I began, then suddenly it struck me that this was not my name anymore.
“Gristlethop” I said like a proud little superhero.
The creatures looked at me for a solemn moment, then spontaneously burst out laughing.
“What a horrendous name!”
“An absolutely stupid claim.” agreed the second one.
“In what direction will accuse the fame?” The third thing said. They were now becoming apparently
excited, oozing a foul-smelling gunk from all over their translucent skin.
“Well, I think it’s a cool name” I said matter-of-factly.
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I ran stealthily through the forest. It was pretty dense foliage, not allowing any light to pass through in the eerie dusk, but it was a pretty straight path so I just sprinted ahead and hoped for the best.
I stopped for a moment at a small lamp emitting a warm red hue to take a breathing break. I wasn’t in bad shape, having walked the same delivery route every day for almost 5 years now, but the air felt thinner at this place than I was accustomed to. It also tasted very slightly of bubblegum. I unfolded the map the three bargoons had supplied me with. It had weird slimy gunk all over it. Anyway, it looked like I was about halfway down the path, evident by the little lamp icon scribbled on the map. I kept running.
After a while, I began to see a faint light at the end of the path. I sped up a little as I neared it, but that only made it seem to grow further away. So, I slowed down a bit.
Eventually I stood in front of a large illuminated temple. The smooth material it was coated with
seemed to radiate life’s essence. Large neon flowers lined the pathway to the large smooth doors.
As I walked past them, they emitted a pungent odor that made me smile blissfully.
The light was now bright enough to see my path ahead. A large inscription on the wall written in
pictographs described my journey ahead. A central spiraling mass intertwined seven strange totems
which I assumed to be my only indications of my destinations to come. The totems stuck in my mind
like they were made to fit there. The golden key felt warm in my pocket as the world around me began to fade away and I felt a familiar tingling sensation vibrating throughout my body.
--------------------------------------------
The faint red glow led me past the mouth of the enormous cave soaked in a shimmering white mineral. I avoided large boulders cautiously as I made my way towards the source of the light.
Around the corner, a tall glowing obelisk hovered above the cave’s floor, glowing an eerie yet
invigorating red hue. As I gazed around the strange place in wonder, the ceiling high above me
glimmered prismatically. An ornate tree design was inscribed on the surface of the immense jewel.
I placed my hand on the surface of the crystal. It felt warm. The warmth spread throughout me like a pleasant flame traversing my bowels. I suppose it may not sound very pleasant in that description,
but it really was an overall nice experience. That is, until I began to melt from the innards out. My
vision went black, as I tried to squirm around I discovered that I didn't have a body. Searching for
some comprehensible pattern, white geometric shapes and patterns fluttered about my peripheral.
This continued for what felt like a long time until I finally woke up.
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I found myself lying on a cold, dense floor aching all over. I propped myself up shakily. The only other person in the room was a stout figure with his back to me. It looked like he was hunched over some sort of cooking pot.
I scooted across the ground to tug on his ankle, which now seems like a bad idea in hindsight. As my friction generated noise in the silent cave room, the figure spun around and shrieked.
“What are you doing here?” she said. It seemed I wasn’t expected.
“I- um, I-” I tried to explain, but found it difficult to provide an explanation for my presence in an
unfamiliar place. She gazed over me in interest as if I was the only person she’d seen in a while.
“It’s honestly so good to see you!” she exclaimed excitedly, “You’re the only person I’ve seen for a
while!” I smiled back nervously, very confused.
“Who are you, exactly?” I asked.
“Oh! I’m Cyntheanne, and who might you be?” she giggled.
“I call me Gistlethop.”
“What a silly name! I’ll just call you ‘G’ for short”
“That sounds reasonable”
“I wasn’t asking for your permission”
“Oh”
“Would you like some Bubble Juice?”
“Bubble Juice?” I asked. Cytheanne spun around and dipped a ladle into the cauldron she had been
heating. I noticed her pale hair shimmering prismatically in the dim dull light of the cave. She offered the ladle to my lips, looking at me expectantly with energetic eyes, with a hint of vague sadness concealed behind white irises speckled strangely with orange, blue, and gold flecks. I took a reserved sip at the “Bubble Juice”. It was frothy and bitter and tickled my tongue. After a single sip, my body felt replenished and energized and my head was spinning lightly. To put it simply, it fucked me up. I smiled happily and nodded my head to her expectedly.
“That’s my own recipe! I’m an alchemist, though that wasn’t a designated career choice where I’m from, so I’m pretty much just a freelancer.”
“And where is it that you’re from exactly?” I asked, still adapting to my newfound sense of vastness.
“It’s a small crumby planet somewhere in the armpit of a dead galaxy, you probably never heard of it before. . .
“It’s called Earth. Dumb name, right?”
I sat there silently reserving my reaction. “And what can you tell me about this planet you come from?”
“Oh, it smells really bad, all the people there lie and steal from each other, and everyone is always fighting over something!”
“I can relate.” I said. “How did you end up in this place, exactly? And what exactly is this place?”
“Ah, well the last I remember I was concocting a new brew in my home lab, which is really cool actually. It’s basically my kitchen, but I put a bunch of colorful lights up everywhere and dragged in all the stuff I need to conduct my alchemy experiments-”
“Yeah, yeah just get on with where we are.” I cut in.
“Right, well, short answer- I don’t know.”
“What? How long have you been here?” I asked her. Cyntheanne looked down at her fingers to count.
“Umm, at least a month. Probably longer. Definitely longer. But you know something weird? It’s like our bodies work different here. Like I don’t even feel hungry or sleepy or anything and I’ve been here for like forever. Isn’t that weird?”
I nodded to agree. Now that I took a real look at the room, I could see that there were no obvious doors or exits anywhere. Just cold gray stone and some strange equipment set up near the wall.
“So how do we get out of here?” I asked.
“I like your straightforwardness! Well, I’ve been working on a way to accomplish that. Actually, it’s
perfect that you arrived when you did, the only missing ingredient is a sample of an alternate DNA
sequence. I have all the ingredients I need, the final catalyst is a Y chromosome.” Cyntheanne
turned around suddenly with a knife in her hands and a devilish grin on her face. I started to back up nervously.
She cackled. “I’m just messing with you! I’d never harm a fly. All I need is a small sample of your
chromosomes. This should do..” she reached towards me swiftly and plucked a chunk of hair right out of my scalp before I could react.
“Ow! What the hell?” She tossed the hair into the cauldron. The concoction began to glow. Not a dull
somber glow, but an intense eye mangling flash of white radiation. White spots lingered in my vision. In the center of the room, an orb of light slowly unfurled into a strange looking pocket of rippling energy. It wasn’t an opaque sort of light, but a strange transparent looking mass, like a heat mirage above a sun-beat road.
“You coming?” she gestured towards the portal.
“Not like I have anywhere better to be.” I said as I looked at it. After a moment, I hopped right on in.
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At night, when our bodies shut down and our minds merge, we visit strange and foreign places. Some of these destinations are far too abstract for our simple consciousness to comprehend, which results in little to no retention of the experience. Do you recall what it’s like to submerge in a fully relaxed state of slumber? What the beginning of a dream is like? I didn’t either. At least, I didn’t used to before.
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END PART 1
STAY TUNED FOR THE EXCITING ADVENTURES WHICH LAY AHEAD OF OUR HEREOES.
THERE WILL BE LIGHT, THERE WILL BE GLORY, THERE WILL BE DEATH. MOST IMPORTANTLY, THERE WILL BE. . .
DOORWAYS
